rebirth

I used to be a journal buyer.

I would see a beautiful book sitting on the shelf; it's blank pages calling to me, and I would buy it. I would succumb to this little voice over and over until I had a whole shelf of my own beautiful journals. But then I would feel guilty about having all of these journals and not writing (or drawing) in any of them. So I would carefully choose one and then loudly state that I WAS GOING TO START WRITING IN A JOURNAL. 

I am a happy person (and I'm ok with that), but a few times in my life I have been in a negative place... There was a proverbial cloud over my head... A funk, if you will. And whenever I found myself in one of these spots I would decide to write in one of my journals. 

Yes. 

I would take this gorgeous example of someone's handiwork and I would start filling it's pages with icky negative thoughts and feelings. The mood would pass, generally within a week; (although there was that one period that lasted on and off for about 5 years, but that's another story) and I'd never write in that journal again because every time I looked at it it reminded me of those negative feelings or that uncomfortable situation. 

Then the next time around, I'd poison yet another of my little blank treasures. 

Well, I stumbled across one of those journals today.

A large, sumptuous, handmade blue nepali-style journal with a wrap around cover. I had written in one tenth of this book yet ever since I did, I couldn't bear to look at it much less write in it. So you know what I did? Before I wasted a whole afternoon re-reading my mini saga, I tore all of those pages out! But that wasn't enough, while doing this I noticed how beautiful the binding itself was so I tore off the cover too! Then I found a lighter, went outside and burned all of those crappy pages. I can't even tell you how good it felt to watch the flames lick their edges and then eat away at my long lost feelings. I have too much good in this life to be carrying around anything negative. 

So I'd like to welcome this new journal to the world.

I think I'm going to draw in it this time.

xo

drowning in tens

the home repair elves 

(those two in the back never get anything done)

I have figured out what is creating the feeling of unrest in my daily life. 

hello. my name is whitney and i am a procrastinator.

Not only am I a procrastinator, but it seems my wonderful husband is also suffering from the same disease (of course he is, no other pair would be able to put up with each other's excuses rationale the way we do). Anyway we were talking in the park yesterday about moving and building our dream house when it hit me that the real reason our current house feels so unfinished is because it isn't finished. 

We tackle every project with gusto, we work our tails off, until we get about 90% finished, and then we stop and leave the last 10% undone, secretly hoping that the little house project elf will come and finish it for us. 

The back side of our house? unpainted. 

The pile of stuff that needs to be put in storage? still sitting outside. 

The siding on the front of the studio? maybe next weekend. 

The riding lawn mower in the driveway? still broken. 

The hot tub out back? still leaking.

The landscaping? at least dirt doesn't need watering.

The doorbell? let them knock.

We're two plastic flamingos and a couple of busted cement figurines away from being that house.

So our new game plan is to tackle as many tens as we can each weekend until they're all gone. Then and only then will we start a new project. 

Wish us luck. 

xo

sorry, what?

don't you find that sometimes it's just easier to let the conversation fall than it is to try to explain yourself?

I have a small voice and no skills when it comes to chit chat.

I would much rather talk about anything than nothing. 

To me, the art of the conversation seems to be dying.

jw r u going out 2nite lmao w8

idk r u lol cuz qt kwim

omg g2g ttyl <3

I have this old book called C D B (see the bee). It's one of my favorites. The whole thing is written using just letters. That's pretty much as close to texting as I get. 

(I am so unhip) 

(but not so unhip that I am again hip)

xo 

heads up

Whenever I see a penny on the ground that is tails side up I always flip it over so that the next person to find it will have good luck.

my so-called life

"People are always saying you should be yourself, like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster. Like you know what it is even. But every so often I'll have, like, a moment, where just being myself in my life right where I am is, like, enough." -Angela Chase

xo

back to school

This explains everything: 

"I had what Oprah calls an "a ha!" moment yesterday. I was considering hiring a personal organizer and wondering why my apartment was so unorganized when I realized my year had no cycle. I wasn't going back to school, and thus, I didn't have that pre-back-to-school organizing frenzy: that time of year when you stock up on Trapper Keepers, clean out your desk and closet and get ready to start a new year." (from etsy article)

a ha!

A HA!

That's it. I'm going back to school.

Step One: We're replacing the carpet in our bedroom with wood floors today. HooRay! Repeat after me "Down with carpet! Down with carpet!" I am not a carpet fan. Never have been, never will be. Especially with five dogs. 

Step Two: Get rid of all of the junk we had to move out of our bedroom in order to lay down the floor.

Step Three: Continue along the de-junking path. Nothing is safe. Freecycle, Craigslist and eBay here I come!

But back to my scholastic desires... 

I have always had a weakness for school supplies. 

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address." (-tom hanks in you've got mail)

Ooh, I'd love a bouquet of pencils! And maybe a fresh new moleskin to go along with them!

xo

sweet nothings

waking up with you is the icing on the cake.

xo

ChiTown

We flew to Chicago for a wedding this past weekend. The whole trip went great and it actually turned out to be a nice little vacation. Here are some of my favorite pics:

Ray's first airplane ride. He was great on both flights, never cried at all.

One of the perks of having to wake up and feed the baby is that I get to see amazing sunrises.

I can't get enough of the buildings in Chicago. It's such a lovely city.

And the hotel was nice too...

Ray Bear sound asleep as we walked around the city.

From mine to yours, wishing you sunshine.

xo

on the edge of balance

un-fair [uhn fair] 

1. not fair; not conforming to approved standards, as of justice, honesty, or ethics

2. disproportionate; undue beyond what is proper or fitting: an unfair share

This word has been popping into my head a lot lately.

What is it about life that makes me want to label it as unfair? 

What is it about certain situations that make me feel cheated and left out?

Why can't I have a sense of peace and gratitude towards everything and everyone in my life?

I think it might be a feeling of regret or the feeling that I let myself down that makes me label things unfair; like it was my choice and I could have changed/prevented it. 

I read a great post over at superhero journal:

Andrea wrote: "Shame can't survive when empathy is present," she told me. Something got rearranged in me when she said this. "Shame thrives in secrecy, it transforms in empathy."  

I thought a lot about this statement and realized that that is why I blog. When I have a problem and I write it out and present it to the world it becomes more than my little problem. It allows me to step back and look at myself from a new perspective.

So my point in all of this is what makes that feeling of unfairness disappear? 

Would writing about it help? I don't like talking about things as unfair, I generally think it just sounds like whining. So what do I do?

I'm wasting too much energy wishing things were different. How do you get to that place where it all makes sense?

Is life like snowboarding? (stay with me here) When things get difficult and you start falling down more does it just mean you are getting better?

xo

Do I Dare?

Last weekend I spent a whole day away from home (and baby) at an awesome art workshop. I took a class taught by the very talented Lynn Perrella at the wonderful, new, Artist's Nook, right here in my backyard (no, not literally in my backyard, but wouldn't that be cool?).

Anyway, she is a very down to earth and approachable teacher. I love that. She makes you feel comfortable and safe. Which is an important thing when you're venturing into new artistic territories. We made these huge pieces of artwork and then at the end she abra-cadabra-d them into books. It's incredible. Just by turning it into a book, this large, sometimes hard to digest piece of art becomes a small, manageable and enjoyable, tactile, finished product. I love it.

 My finished piece, large. 

I like it, but wait until you see it as a book:

 book cover (and small feet, I couldn't resist)

next page

next page

and the next

and the last

So? Whatd'ya think?

Now back to the title of this post, do I dare? 

Do I dare to write this down? 

Do I dare to say this out loud?

Here goes. 

I want to be an artist.

They're only six little words. 

But to me, they scream out loud. 

Saying those words is like saying 'I want to be Santa Claus'.  Other people think, 'uh.. ok, then be an artist'. But how? How do you become an artist? Where do you start? There's no business plan when it comes to making art. Is there? 

So, when she was asked 'How do you make a piece of art?', Lynn Perrella said, 'You make one mark and then that mark will tell you where to make the next one and so on'.

Maybe this post is my first mark.

xo 

accomplishments

Today we went to the bank. Grabbed a chai and a bagel at cafe´ ardour. Ran into Jerry's for some more gesso. Hightailed it back towards home and stopped at the post office to mail some packages. Took a nap. Read the new somerset magazine. Took some pictures for etsy. Went on a walk. Went on another walk. And took a nap again. 

And I thought it was impossible to get anything done.

xo