no, seriously

I have become a control freak.

A serious, grouchy, control freak.

I have a very big 'bad mood hangover' this morning. So bad, that I'm feeling guilty about how crabby I was with my husband last night. In retrospect he was doing everything he could think of to make me happy and I just wasn't having any of it.

I don't know what my problem is. I'm really not a very serious person but lately I find myself taking life and everything in my day-to-day existence as if it were a life or death decision.

I'm also finding myself getting upset when something [or someone] disrupts my seriousness. "How can you not take this seriously? There is a pile for the mail right here. It does not go over there!"

Ugh. what a bore.

I really need to lighten up.

I remember last summer when I heard Rahima Baldwin Dancy speak at our local sustainability fair, she is the author of the book "You Are Your Child's First Teacher" (a book I own and have still not read), she said that being a mother [and a wife] takes a lot out of you and you need to stop and take time to refill the well. She said that a happy mom is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. She went on to talk about how there is a specific type of energy that children zap from us and some of the best ways to replenish it are to do something creative or spend time in nature. 

I think my well has run dry.

I keep making things and doing things in the name of being creative and giving myself some time, but I've been looking at all of those things as entries on my to-do list. Things that need to be completed and the sooner the better. I need to do something for the sake of, for the love of, for the art of doing it, not for the final product.

For me, that is so much easier said than done.

I never thought I'd type these words, but I think the stress over this crappy economy is sneaking in. It's making our tempers shorter and probably contributes to my overall seriousness. I guess I feel like I'm wasting my time if I'm not making something I can sell or doing something that will make me some money.

Jeez, I might as well work a desk job.

I have the greatest life. I get to hang out with my son everyday and watch him grow and learn, minute by minute. And meanwhile, I get to make things that people actually like and want to give me money for. If that's not enough I have the choice to spend my day doing whatever it is that I please. 

I guess things aren't so bad when you look at it that way.

I'll end on a lighter note.

A classic, that gets me every time

xo