one foot after the other

Sometimes I still feel like my body is not my own. Not so much that I'm not in my body but I just don't recognize it all the time. 

My feet seem to have aged. I always felt like I had delicate, little girl feet and now when I look down they are still small but they seem older. More stable maybe. The toes spread out a little further, the arches sit a little flatter. They're good feet and I've always been thankful for that. 

Sometimes I still can't believe I gave birth to a baby. And that that baby is now 8 months old. I'm a momma. 

I have a kid. 

I think I need a beer.

I love being a mom, I feel very lucky getting to work at home and be with Ray all the time. Lately he's been very content to just have me near him while he plays. I lay on the floor next to him and he plays with his books and his poker chips. We read about T'choupi and how he doesn't want to go to bed. He has the coolest, big wooden fire truck with a real ladder and a hose and everything. He loves to take the top off of the cab part and then the ladder off of the back. Then he sits there and puts stuff in the truck bed, then takes it back out. When he's not looking I sneak the top back onto the cab part of the truck and he gets this funny little puckered up face when he sees it sitting there. So then he carefully takes it back off again. It's our little game. Eventually he gives up and rolls the entire truck over and starts chewing on the tires.

I live for these moments. Watching him explore and examine. I'm amazed by his attention to detail. He can sit with the most ordinary of objects and look them like they are the most fascinating things he's ever seen. The other morning he kept reaching for the tag hanging from my tea bag, so I pulled it off and gave it to him. He carried that little green tag around with him all day. He'd sit there and look at it and then flip it over with those clumsy little fingers of his and look at it some more. Then he'd drop it and forget about it only to find it again later and be mesmerized by it all over again. 

I always knew the good stuff was in the small stuff.

xo