From the simple, daily, "wait, when did I feed him last? Is he really hungry again?" all the way to the existential "what is my purpose here and where am I going?"
Mostly though I've been questioning my relationships with people. I don't have very many friends. In high school, my last big social experience, I had tons of friends and lots of very different ones, but now that I'm older I find it really difficult to find people from my tribe.
Do you know what I mean?
Somedays I feel like I am bombarded by people who are specifically not from my tribe and I get exhausted. I like people in general, but many times I find myself wishing for a friend who just gets me.
I find myself revisiting people I know, just because I know them.
Because when I step back and look, they really aren't that nice to me...
For example, one such person insists on pointing out that I have gained weight and because I have "a little meat on my bones" the world is fair and just. Another is very gossipy and makes me wonder what she says about me behind my back. And another just makes me feel depressed because she is just plain mean.
I feel like I keep trying to find friends, but I have to admit, I don't really know how to make new friends at this stage in my life. In school, you were friends because you had a class together or lived near each other and then your list of friends grew because you were friends with their friends and so on. But now, what do I do? where do I look? Sometimes I worry that maybe I come off as something unattractive like snobby or stuck-up, but I think one of my people would see right through that...
But where are my people?
I'd like to post a want ad in the universal paper.
Wanted: bff no prior experience necessary.
Must enjoy thrift stores and making things
with your hands. Attention to the small
details in life would be appreciated.
Wicked sense of humor a must. General
knowledge of obscure trivia is good. Big
heart and good listening skills required.
Same size in clothes a plus but not required.
If interested, please respond to:
Whitney
At home, on the couch.
Colorado, USA
xo
5 comments:
Hi Friend! :)
Hello, my friend! I know I'm a million miles away, but you can call on me any time!
I have fond memories of sewing and talking fashion together. Your creativity still inspires me today! I will never forget making custard and watching runway shows after school. Now we're both married with kids!!! It blows my mind.
Oh man! You need to move to Tucson:)
Okay, I am officially submitting my friend application:)
**I think** you are just making a transition and that you're going to find that as Ray gets older and you start doing things like baby gym classes or the park trips and so forth, you're going to meet lots of other like minded pals.
I felt the same way when mine was tres tiny and I felt claustrophobic-ly like a house marm.
You're adorable and anyone that can't see that doesn't deserve your friendship, dearie.
Your words about meeting people all day not from your tribe really stuck with me... that's exactly it, I realized, and why I haven't been as happy here. Thank you for helping me put my finger on it. ALso, I think my want ad would look very similar.
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