rebirth

I used to be a journal buyer.

I would see a beautiful book sitting on the shelf; it's blank pages calling to me, and I would buy it. I would succumb to this little voice over and over until I had a whole shelf of my own beautiful journals. But then I would feel guilty about having all of these journals and not writing (or drawing) in any of them. So I would carefully choose one and then loudly state that I WAS GOING TO START WRITING IN A JOURNAL. 

I am a happy person (and I'm ok with that), but a few times in my life I have been in a negative place... There was a proverbial cloud over my head... A funk, if you will. And whenever I found myself in one of these spots I would decide to write in one of my journals. 

Yes. 

I would take this gorgeous example of someone's handiwork and I would start filling it's pages with icky negative thoughts and feelings. The mood would pass, generally within a week; (although there was that one period that lasted on and off for about 5 years, but that's another story) and I'd never write in that journal again because every time I looked at it it reminded me of those negative feelings or that uncomfortable situation. 

Then the next time around, I'd poison yet another of my little blank treasures. 

Well, I stumbled across one of those journals today.

A large, sumptuous, handmade blue nepali-style journal with a wrap around cover. I had written in one tenth of this book yet ever since I did, I couldn't bear to look at it much less write in it. So you know what I did? Before I wasted a whole afternoon re-reading my mini saga, I tore all of those pages out! But that wasn't enough, while doing this I noticed how beautiful the binding itself was so I tore off the cover too! Then I found a lighter, went outside and burned all of those crappy pages. I can't even tell you how good it felt to watch the flames lick their edges and then eat away at my long lost feelings. I have too much good in this life to be carrying around anything negative. 

So I'd like to welcome this new journal to the world.

I think I'm going to draw in it this time.

xo